Forced

It's been 3 days since I had the world's sexiest surgery (Bunionectomy!). Yes, it is exactly what you think it is...WTF?! So, according to surveys that I've read 2 out of 5 women gets a bunion. What the hell is it? Well, its an overgrowth of the side bone in your big toe. It's painful and if not taken care of can cause even more problem in the long run. Bunions are hereditary. My mom has it, my sisters and my cousins. However, mine was definitely more pronounced and it was causing me a lot of trouble and prohibiting me from doing activities I love such as running, hiking, rock climbing and most importantly dancing.

So here I am lying in my bed. Staring at my alien foot that has grown three times its normal size. My toes resembles that of a Farmer John's lil sausage links that you pop in the micowave for 30 seconds. Not a pretty sight! I have memorized every nook and cranny in my room and rearranged my furnitures ten times over in my head. I have been serenaded by Josh Groban and Jason Mraz every night and danced to PVD during the day. At least in my head I was dancing.

I am forced to be alone with my thoughts and I embrace the opportunity. Exactly a week ago, I was hiking up in Mt. Tamalpais with a dear friend of mine. I remember telling myself to take stock of everything that is going on around me. Breath in a little deeper, Exhale longer, walk a little slower and feel the sun on my face. Today, I re-live the hike in my head and I am grateful that I was able to be in the moment because I am able to appreciate it now just as much as I did that day. I remember the details of our conversation, the moments of silence when we were both concentrating on not missing a step going down the eternal stairs leading us to the steep ravine. The sound of my breath was in perfect unison with my steps. Once in a while we would stop along the way in our poor attempt to capture the moment and take a picture. Nonetheless I am glad that we took them.

As I lay in bed recuperating and sharing these thoughts with you, I am completely aware that moments such as this will only make my next experience that much sweeter and meaningful. Only in suffering can one appreciate relief. Someday soon, I will walk normally again but there will be a joyous skip to each step because I know what it's like to not be able to walk. I continually gain a deeper appreciation for what I have and don't have. This carries on to all aspects of my life. Its amazing how much clarity and perspective I have gotten by not being able to do anything but sit quietly with myself. I will opt to walk longer, run faster, dance more.


jakey

A Day At The Beach

Waves crashing on the surface

the grains of sand flowing

The feel of the sun on my face

This day I want to keep going
The birds hum its familiar tune

Children screaming in glee
Couples walk hand in hand in the aftertoon

Finding myself in the place of just being be

jakey

If I wasn't such a Dork, I'd be really Awesome!

Glasses: $135

Shirt: $25

Sarah Palin for Veep in 08: Priceless!




After "The One" is done with us, "Change" will be the only thing left in our pockets.

jakey

Beethoven Symphony #9 (Ode To Joy)

I took my sister to the symphony last night as an early birthday present. We feasted our ears to the musical genius that is Beethoven. Michael Tilson Thomas conducted Beethoven's Symphony 9 and it was amazing to say the least! The symphony hall was full for a Wednesday night.

I've been going to the Symphony for a little over 3 years now and every single time I go, I fall in love even more. Just when I think that there's no way that I can love the symphony more than I already do, I find new ways to renew my appreciation for it. Last night was not an exception. They had a full on orchestra and a choir. There were soloists as well. Last night's concert easily fell into the number one spot of my favorites.

The concert hall was packed yet when the music started playing, I am quickly transported to a place where there is only me. Last night I was imagining what Beethoven was thinking when he composed this symphony which happened to be the last one he wrote. What was his thought process? What was he feeling? I've heard that the best composers are the ones that can truly capture their audience by taking them through the journey of their music; to feel the emotions through the notes. Having said that, then I will have to say that I was on a very emotional journey last night. It started off very light and cheery almost giddy to an extent and then it goes into a somewhat somber harmony (Adagio). This is always the part when I sit back and reflect on my life. My own personal journey; the paths I have taken that lead me to this very moment. My eyes started tearing thinking about the last two years. So much has happened, failed relationships, new friendships, humbling experiences and deeper connections. I thought about the times when I should have hugged a little tighter, kissed a little longer, talked sweeter not knowing that it was going to be the last time I would have had the opportunity.

Taking it all in, I am now consumed with gratefulness. I am thankful for the character building that my experiences have given me. Although they are not all peaches and cream, I still appreciate the lessons learned and will continue to learn.

The music continues and I am back in the present. Taking in the surrounding, looking at the awestruck faces of the crowd, I am one of them. I look over to my sister and she has a perma-grin which elated me because, just like me, she is also touched by the beauty and grandness of The Ode to Joy.


jakey