Random Thoughts leads to Random Rants

Since I started dancing again, my life became dance and dance took over my life.

Two days before the show, my dreams are haunted by 8 different choreographies all fighting to take the spotlight in my subconscious. They say that dreams help you process the events of your awaken state. If that's the case then I should really get more sleep since this little brain of mine is in complete overload! I have not had a restful sleep for several days now. Last night I succumbed to the medicinal aid of Nyquil to help me fall asleep and stay asleep.

My mind is always filled with random thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes I have enough time to sit down and make sense of it all but there are days that I can't even string a complete sentence.

I went to my favorite stationery store yesterday. I love going to stationery stores and browse through all the greeting cards perfectly designed with messages to brighten someones day. I look for cards that I would want to receive myself and if I really love it, there's a big chance that I would purchase it. I think that giving out thank you or thinking of you cards are all lost art. Seriously, when was the last time you gave someone a "thank you" or a "thinking of you" card? Let's go back to basics and reach out the old fashion way. I bought 3 cards yesterday and they are now sitting at my work desk. Longing for the ink to give it life and the cursive to create the written art.

We rely so much on technology to reach out electronically whether it's e-mail, cell phone's with ridiculous amount of capabilities such as text, voice messaging or even beaming each other information. Heck, there's even an application out there that allows you to hear the 911 emergency calls! Yet this medium of communication only works if you actually utilize it. What good is your texting capability if you can't even text a friend to let them know you'll be late or won't make it to an event or a get together. What good is your cell phone if you can't even call to apologize but resorted to texting instead. What good are all these technologies when all it does is give us more excuses to not stay in touch and create unnecessary distances.

Communication is vital to any type of relationship you hold whether its platonic, romantic, professional or familial. The people in my life that I keep in constant communication with are also the ones who takes the time out of their busy schedule to reciprocate.

Don't take the people in your life for granted thinking that they'll always be there at your whim, because one day, you'll wake up and they are no longer available to you. Nothing lasts forever so enjoy what you have now. Love and respect the people in your life. Take the time to reach out and connect. Return that call, apologize, be available. You are not that busy. People have come and gone in my life some unexpected and some that I consciously removed because it's healthier that way.

Today, I am grateful for every mile that wears my footprint, for the many cultures I have been exposed to, and for my many teachers who show up in many forms. I am as grateful to those who listen to me as I am for those who don’t. I am grateful to those who return my own words with harsher ones since they present me with challenges that strengthen my own beliefs, giving me reasons to lean into the discomfort, building the muscles required to “Be Love,” expanding my consciousness, ultimately extending my journey.

My sister, my friend, my confidant, my soundboard, my unconditional love...

twinkle toes,

Jakey

Count von Count Says...

Today at 4:05:06 am/pm, the time & date will be:

04:05:06 07/08/09 !!!!! Ah...ah...ah - He laughs :)

In keeping with the theme of counting, I offer up my top 10 things I am grateful for today...

1. Beautiful Sunshine and Warm Shower

2. Summer dresses. Hello legs!

3. Coldstone Ice Cream - try my concoction next time (sweet cream ice cream, graham crackers, fresh raspberries, marshmallows and chocolate syrup -YUM!)

4. Wednesday is BBQ day here at work

5. My loving family who tirelessly support and sometimes even encourage my quirkiness

6. Earl Grey Tea - you're still my favorite

7. God for gifting me my right and left foot to bust out crazy moves at the studio

8. Work for giving me the resource to play - in line with that is my awesome boss

9. Hugs and Kisses

10. You reading this. (You inspire me!)

Work hard as if you owe yourself

Play harder to pay yourself back

In Spirit, In Joy, In Love,

jakey

Enervated

Sometimes people mistakenly use enervate to mean "to invigorate" or "to excite" by assuming that this word is a close cousin of the verb energize. In fact enervate does not come from the same source as energize (Greek energos, "active"). It comes from Latin nervus, "sinew." Thus enervate means "to cause to become 'out of muscle'," that is, "to weaken or deplete of strength."

Today is the official first day of the second half of the year.

Wow...

What have I done in the past six months? Other than harvesting toe nail clippings...

The more important question is - what have I not done?

Greeting the New Year I resolved to want nothing and everything at the same time. My lack of coherence left me with no defined resolution. Thankfully, I had the Chinese New Year, the Persian New Year and the Laotian New Year to come up with something a little more lucid :)

I resolved to dance more, to let go, to experience life as it comes and not be so caught up in the what ifs. I opted to pray more, add meditation to the mix and travel.

I saw places I had never dreamed I would see, tasted flavors I never knew existed, and spoke in languages of love I didn’t know I had the capacity for. I went back to my first love - dance.

And so it goes, I have been dancing my ass off. I took "Dancing Queen" to a whole new level.

With exactly a month left before the show, I find myself losing steam. I woke up this morning with a kink in my neck and really sore legs. I paused to recall the head spinning move that I had to do in my Jazz class and the ridiculous spins and jump in my Latin-Brazilian.

I'll be dancing in 8 different pieces. I have costumes scattered, hung, and strewn about in my room, waiting for their time to shine.

But yet all I want to do is sleep. My angels of balance are duking it out. One wants to be responsible and show up to all the regularly scheduled practices throughout the week and the extra ones as well in the weekends. The other one just wants to stay in bed, sleep in, and consume tubs of Vanilla Bean flavor ice cream with caramel, honey and marshmallows on top for good measure. I'm really rooting for the latter to K.O. the first :)

What gives? Isn't this what I wanted? Yes, of course but too much of a good thing is well....not so good anymore.

I am tired.

After the show, I am going to rest. I will just BE. I will write about days of me doing nothing and being completely at ease with it. I will spend my days nurturing relationships that have been put in the back burner.

If it’s not too late to make New Year’s resolutions, I resolve to be love for the rest of the year. Quite simply, I refuse to resist it any longer.

I write and post a lot therefore one can assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn’t reference myself very well actually, and I’m sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream.

And everything is fine, not FINal...

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of.

I'll be going on my yearly Fourth of July camping trip. I am SO looking forward to it. To be one with nature. To energize, relax, to get inspired. To be silent in prayer and hopefully longer meditations. To get caught up in my reading and sleep. I'll be out of range but not out of touch.

I hope July 4th goes beyond political independence and takes over individual lives. We are all free to be. We are free to forget. We are free to dream. We are free to scream. So celebrate something in your own way today, this week, and the rest of the year. Light that dormant fuse in your ass and sparkle once in a while. Help me hear the boom from way out here.

Lastly, I want to recognize a beautiful soul whose celebrating her Birthday today. My dear friend Marge is another year older but none the wiser just like me :)

We drank

We partied

Stayed up in the evening

Non-sensically blabbing

We ate

We played

We even cried

And let our anger fall on the wayside

We bowled

We batted

We even managed to fight

Thankfully, only for a fortnight

your champ at camp,

jakey