Enervated

Sometimes people mistakenly use enervate to mean "to invigorate" or "to excite" by assuming that this word is a close cousin of the verb energize. In fact enervate does not come from the same source as energize (Greek energos, "active"). It comes from Latin nervus, "sinew." Thus enervate means "to cause to become 'out of muscle'," that is, "to weaken or deplete of strength."

Today is the official first day of the second half of the year.

Wow...

What have I done in the past six months? Other than harvesting toe nail clippings...

The more important question is - what have I not done?

Greeting the New Year I resolved to want nothing and everything at the same time. My lack of coherence left me with no defined resolution. Thankfully, I had the Chinese New Year, the Persian New Year and the Laotian New Year to come up with something a little more lucid :)

I resolved to dance more, to let go, to experience life as it comes and not be so caught up in the what ifs. I opted to pray more, add meditation to the mix and travel.

I saw places I had never dreamed I would see, tasted flavors I never knew existed, and spoke in languages of love I didn’t know I had the capacity for. I went back to my first love - dance.

And so it goes, I have been dancing my ass off. I took "Dancing Queen" to a whole new level.

With exactly a month left before the show, I find myself losing steam. I woke up this morning with a kink in my neck and really sore legs. I paused to recall the head spinning move that I had to do in my Jazz class and the ridiculous spins and jump in my Latin-Brazilian.

I'll be dancing in 8 different pieces. I have costumes scattered, hung, and strewn about in my room, waiting for their time to shine.

But yet all I want to do is sleep. My angels of balance are duking it out. One wants to be responsible and show up to all the regularly scheduled practices throughout the week and the extra ones as well in the weekends. The other one just wants to stay in bed, sleep in, and consume tubs of Vanilla Bean flavor ice cream with caramel, honey and marshmallows on top for good measure. I'm really rooting for the latter to K.O. the first :)

What gives? Isn't this what I wanted? Yes, of course but too much of a good thing is well....not so good anymore.

I am tired.

After the show, I am going to rest. I will just BE. I will write about days of me doing nothing and being completely at ease with it. I will spend my days nurturing relationships that have been put in the back burner.

If it’s not too late to make New Year’s resolutions, I resolve to be love for the rest of the year. Quite simply, I refuse to resist it any longer.

I write and post a lot therefore one can assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn’t reference myself very well actually, and I’m sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream.

And everything is fine, not FINal...

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of.

I'll be going on my yearly Fourth of July camping trip. I am SO looking forward to it. To be one with nature. To energize, relax, to get inspired. To be silent in prayer and hopefully longer meditations. To get caught up in my reading and sleep. I'll be out of range but not out of touch.

I hope July 4th goes beyond political independence and takes over individual lives. We are all free to be. We are free to forget. We are free to dream. We are free to scream. So celebrate something in your own way today, this week, and the rest of the year. Light that dormant fuse in your ass and sparkle once in a while. Help me hear the boom from way out here.

Lastly, I want to recognize a beautiful soul whose celebrating her Birthday today. My dear friend Marge is another year older but none the wiser just like me :)

We drank

We partied

Stayed up in the evening

Non-sensically blabbing

We ate

We played

We even cried

And let our anger fall on the wayside

We bowled

We batted

We even managed to fight

Thankfully, only for a fortnight

your champ at camp,

jakey