Unlocked

I've been single for a little over 2 years now. This is a new record. Thinking back to my previous relationships, it certainly was pleasant to have someone around to tell me what I wanted to hear about myself, to kiss me goodnight and someone I could call and complain to. It was nice to not have to confront my shyness about meeting boys. I was always spoken for.

After my last boyfriend, I took a sabbatical from anything remotely close to resembling a relationship. I went as far as moving back in with my mom after 10 years to guarantee the no-dating policy that I had set up for myself. I took the time off to get back to the most important part of any thriving relationship - ME. I worked on developing a deeper awareness of who I am. What makes me tick, my motivations, apprehensions, fears and loves. I finally learned the lesson of not being able to give what you don't have.

I detached myself from social settings. There was even a point when I did not return any phone calls. My voicemail might as well have said "Hi. This is Jake and I'll be away from my phone forever. Your e-mails will be moved to SPAM and I will BLOCK you if you try to add me to your FaceSpace, Twixter, and MyBookMeetup social networking site. Thank you and have a good life."

The road I set on was not paved with lace and gold. In fact it was a dirt road full of puddles and blind corners. There were times when I found myself knee deep in mud, drenched in tears and all I can do was to crawl myself out of the hole that I unconsciously dug for myself. The blind corners were unforgiving. Just as I got my stride, I was struck with a punching bag full of heart aches and misguided emotions. I found myself asking questions like - What went wrong? Did I say something bad? Did my hair go flat? :)

I no longer wanted the next best thing. Moving from one high to the next was never the answer. It was just a distraction from the underlying issue at hand. And so I committed to work on my own happiness independently. It wasn't about finding myself. I was never lost. I just needed to get in touch with the inner wisdom that we all possess but too afraid to listen to, in fear of facing our insecurities or revealing whatever skeletons we have hiding in our own private walk-in closet the size of a studio apartment in Hayes Valley :)

I pick-and-choose who to interact with and when to interact with them as long as it served my mood and who I was being on that occassion. The result I got was exactly what I wanted. Nobody bothered me. I was so consumed with cultivating the little Jedi inside of me that I became unfulfilled, uninspired and worse uninspiring.

A definition for the word inspire is: to breathe life into another and I gave up the chance to do that for others.

Then I realized that whatever I was doing was counter intuitive to my ultimate goal; to be able to share my experiences, to spread the attitude of gratitude to those around me and to be open to the possibilities of real love.

Did you know that the Greeks have 4 different words for Love? That's not fair! I think we all deserve to have a way to say "I really love chocolate" and "I really love my Mom" without bringing my Mom into my world of dazed and crazed chocolatey goodness obssession :)

Eros: passionate love
Philia: friendship
Storge: parent-child

and my favorite...

Agape: an all inclusive unconditional love. To have agape is to see all people doing the best they can with the light they've got. Someone in this state is not looking for a return on the investment. In fact they don't see it as an investment at all. This is compassion at its best.

There are many different ways to get from point A to B. I can fly, drive, walk or even ride a horse. Being the inhabitant of the modern world, I sometimes think that the fastest route is the best one. I forget that "the journey is the destination". If I don't enjoy the travelling, it is unlikely that I will feel good about the place I arrive at. And so I commited to not take the most expedient route rather the most rewarding one.

So I surrendered to the great unknown . I've had my nose in the books long enough and crammed as much theory as I possibly can in my head. I am a power house of information, ready and willing to apply everything that I have forged in my mind. This new perspective that I have about life is a breath of fresh air.

Thankfully, the Universe/God/Source responded in kind. I've been meeting people from all walks of life and having a wonderful time with all the sweet encounters I've been experiencing even if its limited to dance, music, a bottle of champagne here and there or an afternoon at the beach.

Altogether it was what I hoped to achieve on this journey. I finally got in touch with the little warrior inside of me who's been fighting off the unwanted little bits as well. To dissolve some worries and get a lot closer to Agape.

Crushes have been tossed around like hot banana pancakes since late winter. Connections were made, love was sent out, rejections were experienced as well as romance. The beginning of summer is upon us. I witnessed love in so many ways on all levels. Friends, acquaintances and family have all shown their affectionate gestures. I've been wowed by Nature repeatedly.

I am human. I make mistakes, sometimes twice, three times even because of my obstinant nature. But I also learn. To become better than I once was.

So when you're out there this season, making connections, giving out high-fives, look to others with welcoming gratitude and appreciation, and see them as doing the best they can with the light they've got. And maybe toss out a smile.

So what about being single? I guess I'm no longer single.

I am Agape.

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream...

What! No pictures?

My camera suffered an untimely death in the Philippines. The humidity was too much for its delicate nature and apparently it doesn't like getting wet either :)

I am now at the mercy of whoever was able to capture the moment to send me pictures. This past weekend, I did a small Hula and Tahitian show at the studio. There were pictures taken and videos as well but I have to join Facebook in order to see them...SIGH... the social networking gods are conspiring! Want to practice compassion and loan me your FaceSpace log-ins? :)

It's only Thursday. You didn't miss anything. It is I who miss you.

jakey