Forced

It's been 3 days since I had the world's sexiest surgery (Bunionectomy!). Yes, it is exactly what you think it is...WTF?! So, according to surveys that I've read 2 out of 5 women gets a bunion. What the hell is it? Well, its an overgrowth of the side bone in your big toe. It's painful and if not taken care of can cause even more problem in the long run. Bunions are hereditary. My mom has it, my sisters and my cousins. However, mine was definitely more pronounced and it was causing me a lot of trouble and prohibiting me from doing activities I love such as running, hiking, rock climbing and most importantly dancing.

So here I am lying in my bed. Staring at my alien foot that has grown three times its normal size. My toes resembles that of a Farmer John's lil sausage links that you pop in the micowave for 30 seconds. Not a pretty sight! I have memorized every nook and cranny in my room and rearranged my furnitures ten times over in my head. I have been serenaded by Josh Groban and Jason Mraz every night and danced to PVD during the day. At least in my head I was dancing.

I am forced to be alone with my thoughts and I embrace the opportunity. Exactly a week ago, I was hiking up in Mt. Tamalpais with a dear friend of mine. I remember telling myself to take stock of everything that is going on around me. Breath in a little deeper, Exhale longer, walk a little slower and feel the sun on my face. Today, I re-live the hike in my head and I am grateful that I was able to be in the moment because I am able to appreciate it now just as much as I did that day. I remember the details of our conversation, the moments of silence when we were both concentrating on not missing a step going down the eternal stairs leading us to the steep ravine. The sound of my breath was in perfect unison with my steps. Once in a while we would stop along the way in our poor attempt to capture the moment and take a picture. Nonetheless I am glad that we took them.

As I lay in bed recuperating and sharing these thoughts with you, I am completely aware that moments such as this will only make my next experience that much sweeter and meaningful. Only in suffering can one appreciate relief. Someday soon, I will walk normally again but there will be a joyous skip to each step because I know what it's like to not be able to walk. I continually gain a deeper appreciation for what I have and don't have. This carries on to all aspects of my life. Its amazing how much clarity and perspective I have gotten by not being able to do anything but sit quietly with myself. I will opt to walk longer, run faster, dance more.


jakey