Nothing is by accident

Blogging especially when you don't keep up with it, takes a little bit of warming up. I liken it to a cold toilet seat. As familiar as the seat may be, the first morning call never fails to send shivers up and down your spine and there's really no way of easing onto it, you just have to dive right in. After 30 seconds of squirming and oohhs and aahhs, you finally get the right temperature and then your off to doing your business.... :)

My days are filled with dance and my nights, dreams of dancing. The show is coming up next weekend and I have a cot set up at the studio. When I'm not earning my keeps to "spread the wealth" as our fearless leader has expected all of us to do, I am twirling, spinning, popping, sliding and whatever else the choreography demands. It's going to be so much fun!

In between though, I still manage to squeeze in some girl time. Last Saturday, I had dinner with a friend who I met a few months ago along with three other beautiful strangers. I've been wanting to get to know her better for some time now but never really had the chance to do so.

I don't consider myself to be a good judge of character because heaven knows I've made some pretty bad calls in the past, but sometimes my gut just punches me from the inside-out and tells me to reach out to certain people. And that's exactly how I felt with her. We finally had the chance to hang out and I got to know a little bit more about her life. I won't go into details but I have a point, I promise.

This time of the year always gives me the overwhelming urge of reflection. I think it has a lot to do with the upcoming natal day. I think about where I've been, what I've done, the people I've met along the way and how each and everyone of them has taught me a valuable lesson or two. Once in a while someone reaches out and grabs my heart and then there are times when I've given mine wholeheartedly. The heart is the strongest muscle of the human body not the tongue or the quadriceps as some might argue. Which means that it can withstand the deepest of sorrow, the highest of heights, and everything else in between.

A bit of a tangent...

The heart's energy output is about 1 to 5 watts, which is far less than our quads, which can output up to 100 watts in a given minute. But that's just it, the quads cannot do extended output of 100 watts, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 1/2 days a year. Nope, only the heart can do that. So the next time, some idiot tells you that the tongue or the quads are the strongest muscle in the human body, have him or her walk around squatting while talking themselves to boredom for the rest of their lives :)

People come into our lives for a reason. I don't believe in accidents.

Except maybe for that one time I "accidentally" took 2 allergy medication in less than 24 hours when it clearly stated on the label to take no more than 1 pill a day so I was SO loopy at work and my speech slurred all day! Okay, that's not an accident, that's just me being stoopid :)

There's a divine timing into everything we do. I met four people that one fateful night at my favorite wine bar and have kept in touch with three. Each person from that night has made their marks in my life. For the ones that I continue to grow friendships with, I know that we'll have plenty more of memorable encounters.

Back to my friend...

We planned a quiet evening of just dinner and a movie (Duplicity). We walked in to Straits at the Rotunda inside the newer wing of SF mall and were greeted by a warm, tight hug by her friends who worked there. We lingered at front for a little bit while she said her hello's and as I absorbed the surrounding. It was unusually quieter for a Saturday night at 7:30. The restaurant industry I think is definitely feeling the brunt of the economic downturn. We decided to sit at the bar which turned out to be the best choice because she also knew the bar tender who in the end comped our meal for the evening. For the first 20 minutes of sitting and chatting, workers/friends would stop by and say hello to her and hold brief conversations. Each one, sincerely asking how she's doing. So after 1/2 hour of interruptions and well into our yummy meal, we finally had a chance to talk.

Now this is the part of the story I wish I could build up as some type of a Hollywood sensationalized movie but unfortunately, it's not that kind of a story. As it turns out, she knew all the people from the restaurant through her boyfriend who passed away close to a year ago.

A clean rush of blood came to my face, stimulating the nerve endings in the scalp and flushed cheeks, thus activating the tear glands and finally the wells of water breached the levees of my eyelids. Tears came streaming down as I felt my heart open out to her. All I wanted to do was to reach out, hug her and let her know that everything is going to be alright.

I have lost 2 loved ones in my life so far and that was my grandpa and my aunt. I was only 6 years old when my grandpa passed away but he is still so much a part of me today. My love for classical music and dance was borne out my Grandpa's love for it as well. Growing up, we had a record player where he would play music of Beethoven, Mozart and his most favorite Chopin. I twirled around in my little ballerina tutu's, performed my most elaborate spins and jumps which really meant that I only danced around in circles muttering "pretty-pretty-princess" under my breath :) In that small amount of time we spent with each other, we formed a bond that even death cannot break. I still hold him close to my heart and every time I go to the symphony or do a performance, I know that he's there with me in spirit.

My friend on the other hand spent 10 years building a life with a man she was supposed to marry, have kids with and live a long and prosperous life. Instead, she found herself suddenly "widowed" so to speak. He died of a brain aneurysm.

After I've regained my composure, I finally reached out and gave her the tightest hug I can muster. Sometimes, a simple touch can relay so much more than any words can ever convey. We talked about him a little more and also found out that he passed away on May 20th of last year which is fast approaching it's anniversary. For the newer bloggies out there, my birthday happens to fall on that very same day.

Now, I don't ask too many questions. Some people want the instant explanation. As for me, I'm okay with the goose-bumps of disbelief. I never ask a magician how he does his tricks. I am always impressed. Therefore, when the Universe/God/Source delivers a well thought out event with impeccable timing, I accept everything that had to be in place for that coincidence to work.

Nothing is by accident - every fiber of my being knew that I was meant to meet her. Why? Who knows... What ever the case may be, I am grateful that I have met her because she has definitely touched my heart.

Sometimes when I think back to the last moments I had with certain people I wish that I could turn back the time so I can really tell them how I felt whether its anger, frustration, admiration or pure love. I do have regrets in my life but my regrets are not from what I've done but from what I didn't do.

From recent memory -

I was lying in bed at around 3:00 am. I couldn't sleep that night for some reason. My mind was all over the place, maybe because the music coming from his laptop kept me up or maybe because I could hear every creak on the wooden floor or the siren from the police car a few blocks away. My senses were wide awake. I adjusted the pillow to get into a more comfortable position, careful not to stir too much as I might wake him up. Then, a familiar song played in the background. It was David Gray's "Say Hello Wave Goodbye".

Haven't you ever listened to a song that made you cry? It's like the melody and the lyrics reaches in your body, caressing the skin underneath, giving you goosebumps as if the follicles from your hair are trying to listen too. And then all the tingly sensations, the unnamed emotions, culminate at the dam on your eyelids until they fall on your cheeks.

I sat up and turned to face him. Envious of his state of deep slumber. I watched the rise and fall of his breathing and admired the contour of his face, I wanted to reach out and tell him how much I appreciate having met him but I didn't. Instead, I looked out the window, stared into space and eventually feel asleep in a fetal position facing the other way. The song finally ended, clocking in at 9 minutes long. Not knowing that it was going to be the last time I would have had the opportunity.

The point is to...

Live...love... dance... laugh... sing

Don't take things or anyone for granted. We are all transient beings. Live life to the fullest.

Hug a little tighter, kiss a little longer, smile often and laugh louder.

Tell your significant other how much you appreciate them everyday if you can. Show them love, care and affection every chance you get because this life that we are all living is so precious and fleeting.

And if you've read this far down, then I must say that I truly appreciate you. It takes a lot of patience to read through my blogs and this one in particular is a little bit more private than what I usually share but if I can somehow create a rippling effect of awareness and appreciation to those around me then I have done my part for the day.

Be good to yourself and to others.

Namaste

Oops! of the day:

This morning I received the most random e-mail from a person I used to date. Remember, ridiculously cute, biker dude? Yes, that's the one. We can all remember him fondly, for he provided some pretty fun blog entries there for a little while. Anyhow, he must have sent out a mass e-mail to everyone in his contacts list and I happen to still be in it...Oops!

Note to self, bloggies...check your contact list before you tell the whole world of your great news. In this case, it was actually an invite to a show he'll be doing sometime next month.

Wouldn't it be SO funny, weird and awkward all at the same time if I just randomly show up and bring like 20 friends with me? Ha ha ha!

I knew someone who did the same thing once. He signed up to some social networking site and unbeknownst to him, the stupid site sent out invites to ALL his contacts which included his exes from years ago, exes that hated him and he hated back, pseudo friends and even "single serving" friends he met while on vacation in Rio. He was SO mortified! I can still remember the sound of sheer horror from his voice when he realized what had happened. I hope he can laugh about it now because it's pretty damn funny :)

Baseball's regular season is on! I saw the Red Sox on Monday night and sat at the bleachers exposed to the cold air which I think was the reason why I am now sick or it could be because they lost. Either way, I feel miserable :(

in joy...your day,

jakey