Wanderlust

Yesterday, I took the day off to take care of some personal things that I’ve been putting off for quite a while now which took up most of my morning. I went to my good old alma mater, San Jose State University. I have been thinking of doing a career change for a while but have never really taken the steps to do so until now. I like what I do but I am getting really restless and antsy. I hopped in my car at quarter past 8 and started plotting on the best way to get to State without hitting too many traffic and then there’s also the parking dilemma. You see, I don’t have the best parking karma in the world. It must be some kind of a karmic retribution from years of being a little imp when I was still going to college. The parking situation at San Jose State is not exactly a walk in the park. One would have to drive around to every floor of the garage or follow the people leaving and offer them a ride to their car (stalkerish) or just cut people off. Anyhow, I thought to myself, I could park at the 4th street garage but that would mean that I would have a pretty good trek to get to the other side of the school. Although, I thought it might be fun to walk by the old science building again where I spent countless hours examining Bubba in my cadaver class. Nostalgia came rushing in and it’s as if I can smell the formaldehyde again and that was enough to stop me dead in my tracks (no pun intended) and thought about 7th street garage instead. Now that’s a better prospect. You leave the garage to walk out to the fountain outside the event center. Many memories of meeting up in front of the fountain brought a big ole smile on my face. Hot summer nights of running around the fountain to cool us off or mostly to sober us up from a night of bar crawling. However, parking at 7th street garage also meant that I would have to walk through the Student Union to get to the business building. You see, I was the biggest klutz ever and still am but not as bad! I’ve lost count as to how many times I have fallen on my face walking passed the Student Union where a good amount of students hung out. There I was walking, minding my own business, whistling a tune in my head because I cannot whistle physically to save my life and then BAM! I would trip and fall. And it was not an isolated event, it happened several times! I have no idea why I always trip at the same spot. It’s flat; it’s concrete and I’m wearing flat shoes! It’s as if there’s an invisible force field there sucking me to the ground. LOL! So embarrassing! I can still remember the humiliation! Ha ha ha! At least I can laugh about it now. So, my last option was the 10th street garage. Aaahh, talk about memories; the 10th street garage. Many nights I spent running up the stairs and to my car and quickly locking it because I was afraid of getting attacked. During my last year all my classes were in the evening and all of it ended at around 10ish.

Pulled into the garage and started driving up to the third floor where the student parking starts when I realized, not soon enough though, that I’m no longer a student but a visitor instead. So drove back down to 2nd floor, bought a 2 hour permit and worked my way towards the school. It was the weirdest feeling walking the campus again. It felt like no time passed since I was there last. In fact, it felt like I just had a really long dream and now I’m back at school and walking to one of my business class naked! Yes, disconcerting, I know! The campus looked the same, the students same and the smell was also unchanged. Not a minute passed and I was ensconced. Walked in the business advising center and was greeted by a long line of students waiting for their turn to have the counselor pretty much plot the next 4 to 5 years of their lives or however much longer they had left. Yup, I will be one of them pretty soon. Exciting times, this is (in my Yoda voice).

Afterwards I spent the loveliest afternoon with a new friend. I went to Allied Arts for lunch. It’s my new favorite spot, #3 to be exact. Number one being Duarte’s at Pescadero and two is the Cliff House in the city. So this beautiful garden is nestled in the residential area of Menlo Park. It truly is a gem of a find. This place is about 3.5 acres in size and inside the garden is a collaboration of small little shops dedicated to arts and crafts like pottery, glass jewelry, a blacksmith, a florist and an art gallery to name a few. Each artist is local and they are considered to be the best of the best. You have to be at a certain level of quality to be able to display your art work at the guild. Anyhow, within this oasis of beauty is a café that serves Spanish-Mediterranean yummy, delish, good food. Your dining experience is heightened by the serene setting of a well kept garden which by the way is maintained entirely by volunteers. This place oozes of good vibes and good times. One more thing, part of the profits that are made collectively by the guild is donated to the children’s hospital just down the street namely, Lucille Packard.

Not in recent memory can I recall having such a great time conversing with someone. I tend to get too cerebral for my own good and spend most of my times blogging or journaling instead of communicating with people. I’m working on it though. We exchanged stories of our worldly travels. A topic close to my heart. Touched briefly on family affairs and mostly just silly things we have done and will continue to do in the near future. And I type this with a big smile on my face as I transport my thoughts to yesterday as we sat on the blue bench and talked for a long time.

Talking about traveling woke the sleeping giant inside of me. Last night, I went to bed at my usual time of 10:30 pm only to wake 4 hours later plotting out my next adventure. Where would I want to go next? Well, for starters, I will be going to Vegas for Thanksgiving weekend with my family so that doesn’t count. The pseudo Tour d’Eiffel is not going to quell my yearning to go somewhere. It’s been 6 months since I went on vacation. It’s about time for me to pack up and go again. I actually have a trip in mind already. I’m thinking of flying to Seattle then taking the ferry to Victoria, British Columbia. I’ve been there 3 times but it’s one of those places where I don’t mind going back to like Hawaii. It’s beautiful up there. I’ve done all the touristy, sight seeing stuff, so now I want to do the nature thing. I will definitely want to camp and I already know where to go for that as well. So I’ll camp at night and hike during the day. How cool would that be? For one thing, it will be cost efficient. The campgrounds are inexpensive and the American dollar is a little bit stronger than the Canadian dollar so that’s a good thing. I’m thinking of going in the Spring sometime when the flowers are all in bloom. I need a travel buddy for this one though. Any takers? Snowball? Buddy? Pretty Girl? Anyone? Holla back :)

jakey

Attraversiamo

"Attraversiamo. The formal Italian translation is, “Let us cross over” but is typically used in a more informal manner much like the way you would beckon to a friend as if to say, “Let’s cross the street”. I learned of this word through reading a beautiful travel memoir called “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. "

Over the weekend, God knocked on my front door and told me to sit down because he was about to unload to me years of suppressed emotions, resentment, buried memories and the man behind it all, my dad. To say that I don’t have the healthiest relationship with my dad would be considered a gross understatement. How can one have a healthy relationship when there was never one to begin with?

My dad is in town for a visit. To reconnect in his own clumsy way to the family that he so long ago abandoned, a little bit of shopping, and a whole lot of ego puffing. The last time I saw him was close to four years ago. I don’t know what’s so different this time around but he’s definitely affecting me in ways that I find myself shaken to the core. I definitely attribute it to the level of self awareness that I have now compared to four years ago. I am more cognizant of his shortcomings and how much he’s missed out on my life. I hung out with him for most of the weekend and with each passing minute, I saw myself regressing to my childhood, teenage, college years and up until recent memories. I struggle to remember him ever being there when I was dead smack in the middle of life’s throes and I am dumbfounded. I can’t recall his presence in any of it.

To his credit, he was at my college graduation party some few years back but even then, our communication were terse and lacked the emotions called for in such a momentous time in my life. I managed to graduate top of my class (Cum Laude) and all the while working full time and even held two jobs at one point. Not once did I remember him acknowledging what I had accomplished. Instead he sat in the corner of the room, refused to mingle with the rest of my family and just eventually faded into the background. I wanted him to take part in that joyous event. I wanted him to tell everyone how proud he was of me. Not a single word was said. Another missed opportunity. He kept to himself. He complained about being too tired, too sleepy, and too good to even care about anything else but him. I realized a few years later that he can’t stand not being the center of attention. It was almost like he was desperately seeking attention to anyone who would give it to him. He’s so consumed with pacifying his own ego that he cannot even manage to share a little bit of the spotlight with his daughter. Not that I’m seeking that type of attention, I am far more adjusted than that.

I digress. Compliments, praises and flattery from other people are fleeting. One must have the emotional security within themselves because at the end of the day, you only have yourself to answer to and in my case God as well. When all the sycophants of our daily lives are gone, we are left with what we have inside of us, whether it’s good or bad, happy or sad. That’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way. I don’t seek approval from outside forces, it is futile. Instead, I seek solace within myself and having that strength and wisdom is far more lasting that anyone can ever tell me. In other words, I don’t need someone else telling me that I look good, I know that I do because I take care of myself. I am a worthwhile person regardless of whether we agree or not agree. My security comes from within, not approval by others. Now, don’t mistake my confidence for arrogance, I’m telling you now, I’m not. I still have my fair share of insecurities that I struggle with on a daily basis but self worth is not one of them.

Going back to my dad, as I sat in the car, or in front of the T.V. or wherever else we found ourselves at the moment I cannot help but analyze everything that he was saying and how it was affecting me emotionally. Talk about being in the moment, I was bathing in it. I was so aware of the emotions that were rising inside of me and most of it felt like it was ascending from the pit of a black abyss. I was almost terrified of my own reactions. How can this stranger of a father get me so worked up? Simple, these emotions, feelings, thoughts and reactions are all mine. He was the catalyst but he’s definitely not the answer or the means to an end. Therefore, I had to own up to these little demons for the lack of better words and fight them off. Get rid of them once and for all and get to the other side.

So for the past several days, I have been collecting myself. Gathering the little broken bits of my heart to let the healing begin. Yes, he plays a huge role in my life which is ironic because he shirked away from it for almost all of 30 years. But I’ve resolved it with me to face the reality that he is not and will never be the father I hoped he could be. I am slowly accepting him for who he is. Lately, the theme of my learning is all about removing expectations. So here it is again. I am removing any expectations from him and moving on with my life to a healthier place. I am slowly but surely dealing with the emotions that have risen to the surface of late. Not to sound masochistic but I actually welcome these feelings of bitterness, anger and resentment because it gives me the opportunity to shine a light to those dark places and turn it around. Acknowledge that I am harboring these ugly feelings, work through them, accept that everything happens for a reason and then finally heal and move on. I am still working through it but someday soon I will be crossing over to a place of peace, acceptance and forgiveness. I will always respect him because he is my dad and I will love him from a safe distance.

jakey

And to think we were once strangers...

Last night I saw the Opera, Elixir of Love. It's my first show of the season. It's a story about a love struck man desperate to win the love of a woman who incessantly spurned his offer of true love. Despondency led him to seek the help of a questionable traveling doctor to sell him a love potion believing that the elixir will win him his true love's heart. Eventually he won her heart but not because of the phony potion. True love came through for him and as always prevailed.

After the show we walked over to my favorite wine/beer bar. I caught up with an old friend and met cool new people as well. I had such a great time and I didn't want the night to end but it was only Wednesday afterall and I still have a couple of working days left. I genuinely enjoy meeting new people. Everybody has a story and that fascinates me. I like the getting to know part of it all. It never gets old. Lately, I have been meeting people that are new to the city. Isn't it funny how that works? They say that everything happens in three and in the last couple of weeks I have met 3 people that are new to the area. I walked in the bar with a crowd full of strangers and left with a handful of new friends...

" The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go."

jakey

Dating

The election is finally over. I can now go back to my regularly scheduled programming. I was so engulfed with the whole thing. I couldn't get enough of it. I argued my point to anyone who would listen to me about the propositions. Drove my family to near insanity by pounding them why they should vote for my candidate versus the other. I'm sure that they are just as relieved as I am. Yes, I can be strong in my convictions sometimes, but I'm a firm believer of the saying that if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Although the outcome was not as I would have wanted it to be; it is what it is. Everything is fine, not final.

On a lighter note, here's something worth chuckling about as told by Jason Mraz...

"Dating - the act of making appointments to see one another again"

jakey

I am counted

Election Day 2008. I woke up this morning with one mission in mind. To make myself counted. To stand up for what I believe in. To take part of something bigger than all of us. Today is history in the making. My candidate might not win but I will not call out defeat because he fought long and hard until the end and he will continue to fight to preserve, protect and defend this country that we all love.


jakey

Live. Organic. Vegan.

Today, I am basking in the afterglow of seeing the ridiculously cute Jason Mraz. Sahar and I saw his concert yesterday at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley. It was the first time I had ever been there and I know for sure it won't be the last. It's a pretty cool concert venue. But first let's talk about how the day started.

Lately, I've been on this, I'll try anything once, kick. So I thought that it would be a really cool experience to go to Cafe Gratitude in Berkeley and try all the organic, yummy goodness it has to offer. Walking up to the cafe, the green awning posts a question "What Are you Grateful For?". Oohh! sounds promising. I'm grateful that we got there in a jiffy. I'm grateful that it was Sunday hence the parking lots were free. I'm grateful that I had on warm clothes because it was a bit cold. And I thought, in a little bit, I'll be oh so grateful for the food!

Walked in the restaurant to rows of retail goodness in a jar, tins, and recyclable plastic bags. They sold organic cheese, tofu, and beer. Here's the thing. I've had organic wine before and it was an awful experience so trying organic beer which happened to be the drink of my choice these days was out of the question. I want to keep my beer tasting normal, with all the yeast, calories and intoxicating goodness.

We were greeted by a nice, friendly face and she promised to seat us at an awesome spot. Sounds cool right? Well, her idea of "awesome spot" was to put us in a communal round table with 2 other male couples who looked like they could all use another shower. This one guy at the table had piercings all around his eyes. Ouch! The funniest part was that, Sahar thought the whole time that the guy had on eyeglasses, only to realize later on that he was not. Lol!

Looking over the menu was empowering. The names boasts of powerful self affirmations like "I am renewed" (organic wheatgrass shots), "I am bold" (spicy tomato, carrot, celery cocktail) and my personal favorite, "I am charismatic" (carrot, ginger and lemon). Sahar ordered the "I am luscious" (fresh hazel nut milk, figs, dates, raw cacao and vanilla). For lunch I ordered the "I am sensational" (pesto pizza -fresh hemp seed pesto sauce and olive tapenade) and Sahar ordered the "I am fabulous" (live lasagna - zucchini noodles with cashew ricotta, fresh tomatoes, hemp seed pesto, and marinara).

We sat next to the kitchen so I can clearly hear the guy behind the counter call out the finished orders like "I am plenty great" with "I am bonita" Pretty funny stuff! Our orders came out and I remember staring amusely at my plate. We stared for a little bit and busted a chuckle. Looking at each other incredulously, I took out my camera and took a picture of my pizza and Sahar's live lasagna.

Can you tell which is which? Yeah, neither can we. Ha ha ha!

The pizza tasted anything but a pizza. Food don't normally last more than 15 minutes when it comes to me but it took me close to an hour to finish my garden. The hemp seed crust was a challenge to chew on. The sprouts kept sticking to the back of my throat. I had to reach over the communal water caraffe and kept refilling my glass to push the food down. It was totally like the scene from the movie "How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days" when Kate Hudson took Matthew McConaughey to that organic restaurant! I found myself gargling down my food. Thank gosh for dental floss! The live lasagna was exactly that. It looked like it was still pulsating. Poor Sahar at least my pizza was slightly warm. $50 later, we finished our lunch and waited outside the cafe for our cab to come and take us to the concert. We took some pictures to capture the hysterical experience we had with live. organic. vegan food. I have a newfound respect for vegetarians, fruitarians, vegans and any other 'arians out there. I cannot do it. I didn't eat for the rest of the day. My stomach felt like it was cultivating its own flora and fauna :)



Where's the meat?

We got to the Greek and all is good. Found ourselves a sweet spot and planted ourselves to it for the rest of the evening. There were 2 openings acts. First act was a British band and it's their first US tour. At one point he asked the crowd if we were having a "Wicked, Bitchin Time". Everything sounds cooler with a British accent. They had the same style of music as Jason so we were having a "Bitchin" time in American. Second act, we could have done without! Her music was good except it's folksy and ultra mellow which was a complete departure from Jason's musical genre. So, being the master of self entertainment as we are, we amused ourselves with silly pictures...

Our view

Hmm...

Wake me up when she's done!

So bored!

Jason introducing the British band

Muggin

Finally at around 5:15ish the keyboard player came out and cued the music to play Jason's first song "Make it mine". All I remember after that was a stream of non-stop screaming, panty droppin, jumping up and down, calling out his name deliriously, good time. The concert lasted for 2 hours of pure bliss.

Before the concert

After the concert

jakey

Caught in the rain

This morning I woke up with a strong urge to get out of the house. So despite the forecast of 90% chance of precipitation I layered on the rain gear and made my way to my usual hiking trail. The rain held out for the first hour of my hike but when I was almost to the summit the sky opened up and let out a massive amount of rain which we desperately needed.

I welcomed the down pour because I was prepared. Once in a while I came across other hikers and we gave each other this nod of approval for not letting a little rain stop us from doing what we love. The littlest warrior inside of me refused to stay in bed. I actually did not mind being caught in the rain. It was cathartic. I thought about my life and how many times I've been caught in torrential down pour but still managed to fight my way through because I know that the rainbow is just around the corner. My mind was clear, my shoes wet, my spirit lifted.