Not your usual walk in the park

I woke up Sunday morning disoriented. The usual Island of Sanity playlist from my iPod was replaced with the loud shrieking noises of metal grinding and breaks screeching from cable cars.

Where was I? Why am I freezing and who opened the window? I looked to my left and my friend Tanya was still fast asleep. I fumbled for my cell phone to check the time - 6:00 am. Good heavens, I need to start getting used to the city noises or else I'll never be able to sleep in! She lives in the Nob Hill district of SF, a mere stones throw away from the beautiful, Grace Cathedral. So awesome!

Not wanting to stir too much as to wake her, I stayed in bed and said my morning prayer of gratitude for another day. The ominous clouds were heavy, the mood a little somber as I listened to the pitter-patter of the rain drops outside her window. I managed to doze off here and there but my mind was already going through the to-do list for the day.

A couple of hours later, we were both dressed and ready to brave the elements of rain, sleet, wind and puddles.

It was the Annual Aneurysm Walk and I went in support of my friend. We had a good time but there were moments of tears as well, as you can imagine. It was an overall good experience. I met some really strong and inspiring people. It felt so good to be around people who values life so passionately. They really walk the talk of living in the moment and not take anything for granted.

We sang random sunshine songs, skipped around, played in the puddles and had an amazing and uplifting day.

Knowledge is power:

http://www.taafonline.org/w_about.html

brighten someone's day...smile

jake

May Day!!!

Last night, my friend Tanya was my date to the symphony. It's her second time around, however the last time she went was over 10 years ago so it might as well be her first time again.

I enjoy taking first timers to the symphony. There's a certain kind of excitement in their eyes, a skip to their step and a gleeful smile. I like to observe their reactions to their surroundings as they take it all in. It can be a bit overwhelming at first. Davies Symphony is pretty big and my seats are on the very top tier, center, and oversees the whole concert hall. The first 10-15 minutes is a period of adjustment but by the end of the first or second piece, I notice that who ever I'm with at the time finally gets into their comfort zone and takes off to their own private nirvana, wherever that may be.

The entertainment for the evening was provided by none other than the symphony's own Concert Master, Alexander Barantschik. He played Vivaldi's Four Seasons. What a treat!!! Its rare to hear popular pieces be played at the symphony. I've been going for several years now and I can still count with one hand the number of concerts I've gone to that I'm actually familiar with or really know the music. Last night's play list was perfect.

Even though I've heard Four Seasons a million times, hearing it live still left me breathless. My favorite recording was done by Joshua Bell. Okay, I'm a little bit biased because I actually met the guy, took a picture with him, and nearly sat on his lap while he autographed the CD I bought of his recording. But the point is, Tanya and I had an awesome time. We giggled, took pictures, commented on the little old man in front of us rocking out to Summer Season. I think that's his favorite.

As for me, I definitely have the affinity with Winter. It always has been my favorite and I think it's safe to say, that it always will be.

Have a listen...

- this recording was done by Julia Fischer who I will be seeing next month as my last concert for the season...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ESDmlFjuEc&feature=related

Here's the sonnet that goes along with it...

Trembling with cold amidst the freezing snow, while a frightful wind harshly blows, running and stamping one's feet every minute, and feeling one's teeth chatter from the extreme cold;

Spending quiet contented days by the fire while the rain outside drenches people by the hundreds;

Walking on ice, and moving cautiously, with slow steps, for fear of falling, spinning around, slipping, falling down, again walking on ice and running fast until the ice cracks and splits;

hearing Sirocco, Boreas, and all the winds at war burst forth from the bolted doors - this is winter, but it also brings joy!

Second Tier, Row E, Seat 105-106 = Nosebleeds :)

B Bar

So I've been feeling a bit down lately. Part of it is feeling really burnt out at work. The other night, I had the most wretched, fitful night's sleep. I dreamt about work and I distinctly remember telling myself to just stop working and go to sleep. The problem was that I was already asleep! I woke up the next day and felt like I ran a marathon and was still trying to catch my breath! It's been this way for several nights now and I'm starting to feel it take a toll in my spirit.

I feel lethargic and unmotivated during the day while my nights are spent dreading another day of work that is to come in less than 12 hours. My tears are shallow, the mood - dark. The meditation is not working, breathing exercises only agitates me more and not even the Spiritual Center can bring forth the calm I seek.

Then God/Universe/Source heard my gentle plead and intervened via my dear friend Marge.

In 15 days, I will be half-naked, half-baked and half-drunk in the Island of Boracay.

Yes bloggies, this tired little blogger will be flying half way across the world to the little known archipelago called the Philippines :)

Am I Excited?

Absolutely, but relieved more than anything. I am going to release a lot of pent up energy and have as much fun as I can in the given time I have. I am planning to reconnect with families, recharge, reset and re-center so I can truly be present for my beloveds. You cannot give what you don't have.

Time and time again I ask of you to be good to yourself and others.

I am taking off to take care of myself so I can take care of you :)

Namaste,

Peaceful night to us,

J

In Good Company

Shhh...do you hear that? If you listen close enough or read between the lines you'll hear the sound of me breathing a big sigh of relief. The show is over and I'm still in one piece. A few bruises here and there and a couple of ruined tights but contententment is the only word I can think of to describe my disposition.

contentment – noun

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be. It is opposed to envy, avarice, ambition, anxiety, and repining. It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence, the greatness of the divine promises, and our own unworthiness; as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter.

I should have video excerpts of the show soon.

I can't get too comfortable though because next week, it's back in the studio to work on the August show. For those of you who made it out on Saturday, the next show is the highlight of our season. It's going to feature every single discipline of dances that are being taught at the company. I'll probably be in 6-8 pieces this time around depending on how much I can clear my weekday schedule or how much I value sleep :)

I am even more excited about this one because I'm definitely going to challenge myself further and expand into newer things. For one, I am going to learn to Tap dance. Heck, if the adorable little, 3-5 year olds can tap their litte hearts out at 10:00 am on Saturday mornings, why can't I, right? It's going to be hilarious I know! I'll be adding Tap dancing shoes to my ridiculous collection of shoes I already own. I seriously don't know how I'll be able to fit all of my shoes in the walk in closet that I'll be residing at in the near future. All I can say is that kitchen cupboards and drawers will be serving a different purpose at my place :)

Pictures from Saturday. I managed to have become the unofficial make-up artist for some of the other dancers. I love make-up almost as much as I love dancing.

After the show, the usual suspects and I went to my favorite quick, inexpensive and non-fussy food joint in downtown Campbell. There was a Dj last night spinning a mash up of 80's, 90's and today's music.

Yup, 10 hours of dancing was not enough...I had to squeeze in a couple of hours more!

LOL! No, I didn't eat it! The other one broke off :)

dance...love...live...laugh your little hearts out,

jakey

Milk Cupcake, Cassis Gelee, Gingerbread Cookie and Persian Log...Oh My!!!

My super, duper, cool, bff Lianne was in town for a few days to take care of some personal schtuff. We hung out last night and had a sugartastic great time!

First stop was Japantown in the city where we indulged ourselves to some yummmy-yum Sushi.

Then off to Citizen Cake for dessert and some pretty hearty laughs with the person working behind heaven counter...

Me: What's inside the pineapple cupcake? (with a serious inquisitive look and trying to keep a straight face)

Gatekeeper of sugar bliss: Ugh....it's injected with real pineapple puree...

Lianne: What's inside the milk cupcake?

Protector of candy goodness: Um..it's milk flavored (he's snickering at this point)

Lianne: I'll take the Persian log

Me: What's inside a Persian log?

Three Stooges: Laughed our asses off for a good 5 minutes

You had to be there...it was hilarious going back and forth with the dude working behind the counter. Half the time he didn't know if we were serious or just totally effing with him. It was so funny! He was a good sport though and even sold me a bag of mixed flavored cookies for day old prices. Can't beat that!

Lianne had the Milk flavored cupcake and Persian log and I had the Gingerbread with Vanilla icing cookie and the Cassis Gelee....Delish!!!




Hee, hee...it's mine, all mine!



Afterwards, we were obviously parched from all the sugar intake and the unusually hot SF weather so we made our way to the favorite wine bar. It's nice to finally be able to show her my usual adult watering hole :)

It was hotter than hades in there. Even though they had the industrial fan going, it still felt like a sauna versus a bar. I tasted maybe three different reds and none of it suited my fancy. Then the bar tender opened a bottle of Rose for Lianne and I ended up with a glass of bubbly. Go figure right! I'm not a champagne drinker but that was the only thing that really appealed to me taste wise. I think the heat combined with the coldness of the champagne was the perfect combination.




Here's the link to video of the clothing swap meet I went to close to a month ago. A local news station did a cover story of the event. OH EM GEE! Like, Oh my gosh, I'm totally talking like a valley girl... ha ha ha!

http://cbs5.com/eyeonthebay/swap.cheap.closet.2.985026.html


Happy Earth Day Bloggies!

be good to yourself and mother nature,

jakey

Nothing is by accident

Blogging especially when you don't keep up with it, takes a little bit of warming up. I liken it to a cold toilet seat. As familiar as the seat may be, the first morning call never fails to send shivers up and down your spine and there's really no way of easing onto it, you just have to dive right in. After 30 seconds of squirming and oohhs and aahhs, you finally get the right temperature and then your off to doing your business.... :)

My days are filled with dance and my nights, dreams of dancing. The show is coming up next weekend and I have a cot set up at the studio. When I'm not earning my keeps to "spread the wealth" as our fearless leader has expected all of us to do, I am twirling, spinning, popping, sliding and whatever else the choreography demands. It's going to be so much fun!

In between though, I still manage to squeeze in some girl time. Last Saturday, I had dinner with a friend who I met a few months ago along with three other beautiful strangers. I've been wanting to get to know her better for some time now but never really had the chance to do so.

I don't consider myself to be a good judge of character because heaven knows I've made some pretty bad calls in the past, but sometimes my gut just punches me from the inside-out and tells me to reach out to certain people. And that's exactly how I felt with her. We finally had the chance to hang out and I got to know a little bit more about her life. I won't go into details but I have a point, I promise.

This time of the year always gives me the overwhelming urge of reflection. I think it has a lot to do with the upcoming natal day. I think about where I've been, what I've done, the people I've met along the way and how each and everyone of them has taught me a valuable lesson or two. Once in a while someone reaches out and grabs my heart and then there are times when I've given mine wholeheartedly. The heart is the strongest muscle of the human body not the tongue or the quadriceps as some might argue. Which means that it can withstand the deepest of sorrow, the highest of heights, and everything else in between.

A bit of a tangent...

The heart's energy output is about 1 to 5 watts, which is far less than our quads, which can output up to 100 watts in a given minute. But that's just it, the quads cannot do extended output of 100 watts, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 1/2 days a year. Nope, only the heart can do that. So the next time, some idiot tells you that the tongue or the quads are the strongest muscle in the human body, have him or her walk around squatting while talking themselves to boredom for the rest of their lives :)

People come into our lives for a reason. I don't believe in accidents.

Except maybe for that one time I "accidentally" took 2 allergy medication in less than 24 hours when it clearly stated on the label to take no more than 1 pill a day so I was SO loopy at work and my speech slurred all day! Okay, that's not an accident, that's just me being stoopid :)

There's a divine timing into everything we do. I met four people that one fateful night at my favorite wine bar and have kept in touch with three. Each person from that night has made their marks in my life. For the ones that I continue to grow friendships with, I know that we'll have plenty more of memorable encounters.

Back to my friend...

We planned a quiet evening of just dinner and a movie (Duplicity). We walked in to Straits at the Rotunda inside the newer wing of SF mall and were greeted by a warm, tight hug by her friends who worked there. We lingered at front for a little bit while she said her hello's and as I absorbed the surrounding. It was unusually quieter for a Saturday night at 7:30. The restaurant industry I think is definitely feeling the brunt of the economic downturn. We decided to sit at the bar which turned out to be the best choice because she also knew the bar tender who in the end comped our meal for the evening. For the first 20 minutes of sitting and chatting, workers/friends would stop by and say hello to her and hold brief conversations. Each one, sincerely asking how she's doing. So after 1/2 hour of interruptions and well into our yummy meal, we finally had a chance to talk.

Now this is the part of the story I wish I could build up as some type of a Hollywood sensationalized movie but unfortunately, it's not that kind of a story. As it turns out, she knew all the people from the restaurant through her boyfriend who passed away close to a year ago.

A clean rush of blood came to my face, stimulating the nerve endings in the scalp and flushed cheeks, thus activating the tear glands and finally the wells of water breached the levees of my eyelids. Tears came streaming down as I felt my heart open out to her. All I wanted to do was to reach out, hug her and let her know that everything is going to be alright.

I have lost 2 loved ones in my life so far and that was my grandpa and my aunt. I was only 6 years old when my grandpa passed away but he is still so much a part of me today. My love for classical music and dance was borne out my Grandpa's love for it as well. Growing up, we had a record player where he would play music of Beethoven, Mozart and his most favorite Chopin. I twirled around in my little ballerina tutu's, performed my most elaborate spins and jumps which really meant that I only danced around in circles muttering "pretty-pretty-princess" under my breath :) In that small amount of time we spent with each other, we formed a bond that even death cannot break. I still hold him close to my heart and every time I go to the symphony or do a performance, I know that he's there with me in spirit.

My friend on the other hand spent 10 years building a life with a man she was supposed to marry, have kids with and live a long and prosperous life. Instead, she found herself suddenly "widowed" so to speak. He died of a brain aneurysm.

After I've regained my composure, I finally reached out and gave her the tightest hug I can muster. Sometimes, a simple touch can relay so much more than any words can ever convey. We talked about him a little more and also found out that he passed away on May 20th of last year which is fast approaching it's anniversary. For the newer bloggies out there, my birthday happens to fall on that very same day.

Now, I don't ask too many questions. Some people want the instant explanation. As for me, I'm okay with the goose-bumps of disbelief. I never ask a magician how he does his tricks. I am always impressed. Therefore, when the Universe/God/Source delivers a well thought out event with impeccable timing, I accept everything that had to be in place for that coincidence to work.

Nothing is by accident - every fiber of my being knew that I was meant to meet her. Why? Who knows... What ever the case may be, I am grateful that I have met her because she has definitely touched my heart.

Sometimes when I think back to the last moments I had with certain people I wish that I could turn back the time so I can really tell them how I felt whether its anger, frustration, admiration or pure love. I do have regrets in my life but my regrets are not from what I've done but from what I didn't do.

From recent memory -

I was lying in bed at around 3:00 am. I couldn't sleep that night for some reason. My mind was all over the place, maybe because the music coming from his laptop kept me up or maybe because I could hear every creak on the wooden floor or the siren from the police car a few blocks away. My senses were wide awake. I adjusted the pillow to get into a more comfortable position, careful not to stir too much as I might wake him up. Then, a familiar song played in the background. It was David Gray's "Say Hello Wave Goodbye".

Haven't you ever listened to a song that made you cry? It's like the melody and the lyrics reaches in your body, caressing the skin underneath, giving you goosebumps as if the follicles from your hair are trying to listen too. And then all the tingly sensations, the unnamed emotions, culminate at the dam on your eyelids until they fall on your cheeks.

I sat up and turned to face him. Envious of his state of deep slumber. I watched the rise and fall of his breathing and admired the contour of his face, I wanted to reach out and tell him how much I appreciate having met him but I didn't. Instead, I looked out the window, stared into space and eventually feel asleep in a fetal position facing the other way. The song finally ended, clocking in at 9 minutes long. Not knowing that it was going to be the last time I would have had the opportunity.

The point is to...

Live...love... dance... laugh... sing

Don't take things or anyone for granted. We are all transient beings. Live life to the fullest.

Hug a little tighter, kiss a little longer, smile often and laugh louder.

Tell your significant other how much you appreciate them everyday if you can. Show them love, care and affection every chance you get because this life that we are all living is so precious and fleeting.

And if you've read this far down, then I must say that I truly appreciate you. It takes a lot of patience to read through my blogs and this one in particular is a little bit more private than what I usually share but if I can somehow create a rippling effect of awareness and appreciation to those around me then I have done my part for the day.

Be good to yourself and to others.

Namaste

Oops! of the day:

This morning I received the most random e-mail from a person I used to date. Remember, ridiculously cute, biker dude? Yes, that's the one. We can all remember him fondly, for he provided some pretty fun blog entries there for a little while. Anyhow, he must have sent out a mass e-mail to everyone in his contacts list and I happen to still be in it...Oops!

Note to self, bloggies...check your contact list before you tell the whole world of your great news. In this case, it was actually an invite to a show he'll be doing sometime next month.

Wouldn't it be SO funny, weird and awkward all at the same time if I just randomly show up and bring like 20 friends with me? Ha ha ha!

I knew someone who did the same thing once. He signed up to some social networking site and unbeknownst to him, the stupid site sent out invites to ALL his contacts which included his exes from years ago, exes that hated him and he hated back, pseudo friends and even "single serving" friends he met while on vacation in Rio. He was SO mortified! I can still remember the sound of sheer horror from his voice when he realized what had happened. I hope he can laugh about it now because it's pretty damn funny :)

Baseball's regular season is on! I saw the Red Sox on Monday night and sat at the bleachers exposed to the cold air which I think was the reason why I am now sick or it could be because they lost. Either way, I feel miserable :(

in joy...your day,

jakey

Friday Night's Ed Hardy Shirt Fest

Last night I went to my first SF International Party. Sahar was invited by a friend of a friend who was celebrating her birthday at the W Hotel which happened to be the place where they held the international party as well.

My word!

International it surely was! If the G-20 threw a party it would have definitely looked something like last night's event. The diversity of the crowd and the foreign languages spoken was pretty neat.

As always, I went in with an open mind, danced my little heart out and left utterly bemused...

So let's break it down...

The music was uber cool. There were 3 different rooms that played various types of music from Euro, Latin, Brazilian and Middle Eastern House. We mostly spent our time in the latter room. Sahar told me that it was Persian House/Pop. It's like a mix of House and Electronica with a lot of Middle Eastern influence to it as well. It's one of the most danceable beats ever. You can pretty much dance anyway you want. Which can be a little bit confusing especially for me. One minute I was belly dancing, the next jumping up and down like a crazed teenager and then finished off with a latin jazz twist...talk about thinking globally while dancing locally.

The crowd was very interesting...

translation - the European men were very interesting...

It was definitely Retro on the Metro. The guys were all perfectly coiffed. Not a single hair was out of place and that included their eyebrows. The shoes matched their Ed Hardy shirts to a tee (no pun intended) and honestly most of them looked like they spent more time in getting ready than their significant others and it showed. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of hot girls as well but the guys definitely won the round last night.

I love fashion and I like to play around with styles and colors and I can definitely appreciate guys that are also fashion conscious but honestly, I want my man to be a little bit more laid back. I once went out with this guy who I thought was a natural blonde only to find out later on that he couldn't meet with me earlier one day because he had to get his roots re-touched and his tips frosted...WTF!!! Ha ha ha!

So, as amusing as it was for me to admire the European men in their tattoed shirts, blazers, perfect tans and bleached teeth, I was also glad to have my mirror all to myself last night as I removed traces of my eyeshadow :)

Chill Pod

Snowball and Snowshoe at the Dubyoo

I saw this displayed at a store window the other day and made me wish I had a baby because he would totally rock this onesie. LOL!!!

At least it's not in stereo.

Proschi, Adieu, Khoda-fez, Adios, Shalom, Aloha, Auf Wiedersehen,Hey Doh, Arrividerci

Jakey

Unicorns...Cotton Candy... and Fries?

Last night, my usual dreams of riding unicorns with cotton candy on one hand and a bag of salt water taffy on the other was replaced with a very vivid dream of the summers I spent up in Alaska.

...what you don't have dreams of Unicorns and vanilla flavored taffy? Really? You sure? Hmm...Another thing to hash out with my therapist...

I spoke with my dad yesterday. He is back from his mini hiatus in the Philippines. We talked briefly about his trip and how fun and relaxing it was for him. It was just what he needed to recover. He is one tough and determined man. He went from losing 65% of his speech, dragging his left body, unable to even lift a spoon to feed himself to virtually back to normal. As if he never had a stroke and a heart attack at the same time! I don't know how he did it but if I didn't believe in miracle and the power of sheer will and determination before, let me tell you, I swear by it now. His slurring is gone. He's walking normal again and his mind is as sharp as a Samurai's blade. Amazing.

He also asked if I wanted to come visit him up in Alaska sometime in the next couple of months. I paused at this question and told him that I have some things that I'm lining up right now that a vacation is really not in the stars but I told him that I'd keep it in mind.

And so it goes...Alaska was on my mind all day yesterday and through the night. Which I think then manifested it's way through my dreams.

All throughout my high school years, while my friends flirted with the boys, went to summer school, pool parties or walked around the mall to see and be seen, I was up in Alaska working. My first job consisted of asking people the ever important question of whether or not they would like to Super Size their fries for only 50 cents more. Yup, I was working the dream job at McDonald's. I was only 15 at the time so I couldn't work the kitchen. You had to be at least 18 to be flipping burgers. I was allowed to make fries though, which I hated with a passion and to this day I still have slightly visible scars on my forearms from lifting the damn fries basket out of the deep fryer. Ugh! I remember getting off work and smelling like fried, rotten eggs. McDonald's is SOOO bad for you. Don't eat it, trust me. And if you absolutely have to have it then pay attention to how your body feels and reacts to the food after you've finished eating. I guarantee that you won't crave it again, hopefully not for another 10 years.

Despite the unavoidable odor fest, I always looked forward to the afternoons. That was usually when my summer fling rode up to the drive-thru window in his motorcycle and ordered his Super Sized Fries...ha ha ha! I always knew it was him on the other side of the intercom because I could hear the revving of the engine.

Did I ever get on his bike?

Yup, just once and I nearly got hung upside down by my dad!

A) Because biker dude only had a riding permit not an actual license at the time

and

B) We didn't wear helmets.

Ahh, to be young and stupid!

I still remember getting my very first paycheck, a whopping $80.62 for 2 weeks worth of work and just like any other kid out there, I spent it all in one place, the Mall :) Oh yeah, I remember it like it was just yesterday. First day of school and I was sporting my white and pink L.A. Gear, Lights. You know what I'm talking about. It's those shoes that lit up when you walked....ha ha ha!

You know you love it!




At 16, I worked as a cashier for the only grocery store in town. That was fun. It was definitely a step up from my $4.25 /hr minimum wage. I was now clocking in at $6.25/hr. But with great pay came great responsibility...I had to memorize the 4 digit bar codes for all the happy veggies in the produce department. You think four digits are easy...well you have to identify the vegetable first and then go through the catalog of numbers in your head. The cabbage family alone was enough to get your digits mixed up. There's napa, savoy, red, green and bok-choy to name just a few and each type had it's own set of 4 numbers.

Cheat sheets you say? Pfft! that was for rookies. I had the next best thing...

I asked my sister Joan who I made sure was always at the register next to me who by the way was also my Supervisor. She had all the codes memorized! I'm horrendous with numbers. Shh! don't tell my boss :) I'm better with words. Words are fun!

My dream last night was really about the last summer I spent up in Alaska. My sister and I moved to the bakery department for the same lone grocery store. That was Heaven on Earth for me. I didn't mind getting up at 4:00 in the morning everyday, walked the 2 mile hike in freezing ass Alaska summer weather to work and sometimes even be greeted by a Brown Bear in the parking lot going through the garbage can and saw me as breakfast!

Oh yes, I didn't mind. All for what?

Because I got to do "quality control" tasting of everything that was baked for that day :) From the itty-bitty short bread cookies, to the specialty cakes and all the cream filled, fruit filled, yummy goodness filled donuts. My absolute favorite was when my sister made the old fashion brownies. We made everything from scratch. We had to melt the chocolate block and then mix it in this giant mixer, spoon it on to the baking sheet pan and then finally bring it to the walk-in oven to bake. The best part was running my fingers in the mixing bowl and licking the left over chocolate mix! YUM!

To me, it felt more like playtime versus work. The only downside to the bakery job was that there were only three of us. The pastry chef, my sister who made the specialty cakes which left little ole' ME to do all the dishes. SIGH! Those mixing bowls were huge and heavy! Even though we had an industrial sized washer, I still had to spray down the pans and the bowls especially when we made the fillings. Summer was just the right amount of time for me to do that. It was short enough so the novelty never wore off and I can still remember it fondly to this day.

So the question begs to be answered...should I go?

Happy weekend bloggies,

jakey