On being once 32

32 was a pretty awesome year. I am in the flow more than ever…

Friendship and drinking, dancing and soaring, yoga and yawning, loving and sleeping...

I couldnt ask for anything else this year, it’s been such a blessing.

Thank you for being love, emulating love, sending love, and feeling love. Thank you for being YOU!

I loveee love love you!!!

More pics here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/zairina/JakeSBirthdayBBQParty?authkey=Gv1sRgCLej9OTNzJK4mQE&feat=email

birthday success,

jakey

Signs & Symptoms of Inner Peace

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences
An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
A loss of interest in judging other people
A loss of interest in judging self
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
A loss of interest in conflict
A loss of ability to worry
Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature
Frequent attacks of smiling
An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
An increased susceptibility to love extended by others and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

In Joy,

Jakey

Love More... Seed Less

The other day I paid a $1.49 for gas

Holy shit snacks!

Where did I go to get it so cheap??!!!!

Taco Bell (^_^)

"a wise monkey is a monkey who doesn't monkey with another's monkey"- Sierra Leonean Proverb

A guy walks in the gym, talks to the personal trainer and asks him which "machine" he should use to get all the girls attention. Personal trainer looks around and pointed to the corner of the room. Guy scratches his head... But that's the "ATM machine".

Sometimes, you gotta laugh to keep from crying and such is the case from yours truly. It has been a roller coaster ride for Tugboat and I for the last week and a half. He has been in and out the hospital as well as on and off the operation table. Not to go into the ugly detail but it's basically a classic case of a hack veterinarian who did quite possibly the worst botched job ever!!!! I can't talk about it right now without the use of excessive expletives but upset, irritated and screaming bloody murder would be a gross understatement. I have been struggling with the guilt of not being able to do more for my dog. All I can do at this point is to make sure that I administer the pain meds and the antibiotics every 8 hours. He's out of the woods now and on his way to recovery but it has been a very rough ride.

You always hear people say that raising a dog is the best preparation before having kids. I am realizing more and more that if that is really the case then there's no way in hell I am fit to be a mom right now and/or heaven forbid raise one by myself! Being a single mom is NO BUENO!!!

Thank goodness for my amazing support system of friends and family for helping me pull through mentally and emotionally. I love you all SO SO much. As for me and Tugboat - the worst is over; healing is what takes time.

Brunch at Cliffhouse - yum!

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. —Frank A. Clark

In Gratitude,

Jakey

All shades of Gray

When God sends rain, I choose rain
I hope your Gray day
Is a Hooray day

Gray is the new black
Or is it orange?
The sky is Gray
Let's have a field day


Last night, I went to my most favorite concert to date. My special someone and I saw David Gray for two blissful hours at the symphony hall. I have been listening to his music since college but never had the chance to see him live until now.

I LOVED every minute of it. With each heartbreaking, happy and hopeful song, he reached under my skin thus giving me goosebumps. I was on the edge of my seat half of the time. As if trying to get closer to this man who has written the soundtrack to my love life.

He sang one of my most favorite song during his encore and I wanted so much to jump out of my seat and scream to the universe and to him how much I love the song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-tp0JZvUA

I let out a big sigh after the song ended and looked to my left...


We're not here for a long time. We're here for a good time. Let go and enjoy ~

Jakey

I Choose To...

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.... A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
—Rachel Naomi Reme

Over the weekend, the special someone and I met up for some quality time at a cafe nearby and had a late lunch. We talked, laughed, made googly eyes at each other and connected in ways that we don't normally get to do all too often because we always find ourselves in the midst of a social setting that doesn't really allow us to talk much with each other. Whether at a bar, a brunch with friends, a loud restaurant or even at the end of the day when we are both depleted that silence is the only available form of communication.

Sitting in the cafe, late afternoon, sipping on tea, I looked around the room and noticed that every single person there was on their laptop. We were the only ones wirelessly disconnected yet we cannot be anymore connected.

I wish I took a picture of the scene. I almost felt uncomfortable. Like I didn't belong in this 'I'm too hip to talk to the person next to me' cafe. The ironic thing is that I bet more than a handful of them are on some type of a social networking site "connecting" with their friends.

Yes, I am old fashioned. I like connecting face to face. I love the feel of human touch. I am a bottomless resource of hugs. I gave my now boss a hug after my first interview - I got hired a day and a half later. I have a very impressive hug resume :)

Now, I'm not socially retarded that I walk around giving free hugs to just about anyone. I am selective too, but if you open up your arms to me and I feel comfortable enough with you, I will wrap my silly self around you and envelope you in a comforting embrace.

How I'm connected:

My Beloved Family

My community

My bestest girlfriends

My Special Someone

My foot warmer (^_^)

Connection Complete...

Jakey

The Other Side of Someday...

I started Yoga again a few short weeks ago and now I wonder why I ever stopped. Maybe because I needed a break from the routine or my constant moving about has left me with little to no energy. I haven't stayed long enough in one place to plant my feet on the ground. From my mid 20's up to now, I've moved about 4-5 times. That's a moving rate of every 2 years or so. I can say though that the move here to the City has been the best one yet. I finally feel like I can stick around and really build a life here. At least that's how I feel right at this moment.

Tuesday's yoga session became an hour long of purging. I cried almost all the way through. The class always starts with meditation. The theme was the heart. It was almost as if, the instructor knew exactly what I needed. He had us meditate on sending out loving, forgiving and compassionate energy. This practice is called meta meditation. First he had us focus on someone we really love and send that person an abundance of loving thoughts. Second was to send forgiveness to a person who has hurt us the most in the past. Last was the combination of the first two plus compassion and this was to be given to ourselves. Thanks to the ambient lighting, constantly closed eyes and the recent added bangs that one can hardly tell that I was weeping my heart out.

I've been on a non-stop whirlwind ride for the past couple of months that I hardly have any time to sit down and process. I'm occupied and surrounded with people I love and doing things that I feel passionately about that I neglect to get in touch with myself to re-group. When I fail to write on my journal or express myself through this medium of communication, I feel somewhat disconnected.

My volunteer efforts is finally coming into fruition. I have picked my cause and committed to it. My intention though is to have more people get involved and share my yen for volunteering. This will happen in time, I suppose. For now, I will continue to dedicate time and effort to my cause and hopefully move and inspire others to do so as well.

I also started dancing again. My first love. I'm starting off with a weekly hula class for now since I don't want to get overwhelmed like I did 3 years ago. That was sheer madness!

So why the tears? Because of late, I am becoming acutely aware of how much I want to have someone to share my passions with - outside of my friends and family. To hold my hand and be my pillar of strength when needed, as I will be to him. To walk through life with me and not worry about the other shoe dropping. To take comfort in the unknown, knowing that no matter what happens we will be there and be each other's number one cheerleader. To finally get off the Dating Unicycle I've been on for years. I want someone to be on the other side of my someday with me. No longer do I seek the next high nor am I waiting for the next best thing. To be in a committed relationship full of love, respect and common goal. A relationship where I know there's constant growth because we inspire each other to become better than we were. For the love that I sent that evening to be reciprocated. This is what the other side of my someday looks like.

My special someone of late would be a person I would want to share this with but he has his own passions and his own version of his someday. Our paths have crossed once but it didn't work out back then and we parted ways. Time passed and then one day out of the blue, he reached out and our paths have crossed once again. Will it continue to traverse together? Heaven only knows. My intentions are out there for the Universe, God and the Powers Be to heed. We'll have to see how it manifests. But as always, everything is fine, not final. The heart is malleable, the mind ever changing. Today I want comfort and security while tomorrow will bring a whole new set of emotions. Thank goodness for Chartreuse!

Signing off with a video of Tugboat being so freakin' adorable!





Bangs courtesy of my multi-talented bff, Lian





Namaste,
Jakey

Bête noire

With a heavy heart, I wake

Tears welling at the dam

The sun offers not comfort

But the reality of another day

Fear came in the night

Like a thief, it crept

Tucked in the corner

My confidence it took

Stumbling through the day

Looking for my voice

Colors muted

The light blinding

Never alone

Love is omnipresent

Tomorrow, I'll smile

And cherish you

The climate of the heart

Is ever changing

I will be safe

In you, I will trust

Evening is upon us

Hold you in my arms

Keep you in my heart

Fear, I should not

j