Measure of a woman

This morning I woke up to the pitter-pattering of rain outside my window.

What happened? Did I sleep-walk through the rest of summer and found myself waking up to my favorite season - Winter?

I love the smell of the air after it rains - that musky, earthy scent...mmm

The show is over. The muscles are well on it's way to recovery. The bruises are almost gone and the twitching is down to 30% at night but the dreams are still there.

Things are looking up, or I should say things are looking different.

Sunday, the morning after the longest day of my life, I slept in passed Church time. I finally got out of bed to start my day and had brunch at California Cafe and basked in the moment of not having to put on any type of dancing shoes at all.

The day before, I had on my Character shoes for a total of 8 hours. Character shoes are the most uncomfortable dancing shoes that's ever been created. I hate them! But it does give you definition in your lines while dancing. In the future though, I will pick my dances knowing ahead of time that I will not have to wear these damn things ever again!






I have done so many things in the past where I've always looked back and thought that I could have done better or I could have done more. I didn't push myself enough or I didn't give it my best. I always knew that I only gave it 75% of my capacity.

When I committed to this show I had no idea what I was in for. It started off as a trial basis to see if I would like the classes or not. I started with 2 classes on Saturdays which was the gateway for the rest of the pieces. I was open on Monday so I took 2 more classes. Tuesday was pretty clear too, so I took a couple more. Wednesday is Hula but wait, Thursday is open so I decided to take Tap. The next thing I knew, I was knee deep in choreography and committed to being in 8 pieces. I was at the studio everday from 6-9 pm and some nights until 11:00 pm. As we got closer to the show, I was at the studio even on God's day - all day! Dance was the only thing I did. Gone were the days of 80's Night at the Cat Club or an impromptu dinner/drinks with girlfriends. Friendships fell on the wayside and patience were tested on the relationship forefront.

The week of the show, I kept my emotions in check, making sure that I did not let any doubts, fears or worries creep in. I did pretty well during the day but the little demons manifested itself in my dreams. I woke up tired and often found myself in a quiet disposition.

The day of the show, I awoke with a feeling of complete resolute. The day of fruition. The last day of a new day to come.

I got to the theatre a little late that morning and missed a little bit of the pep talk but I might as well have not been there for that since my mind was already having its own inner dialogue of self assurance and psyching up.

By 10:45 am. I was clad in my first costume which happened to be the opening piece as well. We had 2 tech shows prior to the actual show. Just to give you an idea, here's what the day looked like.

2 tech shows (11:00 - 5:45) - We ran each piece twice for the tech guys to get the lighting and sound ready for the show. I was in 8 pieces which meant that after my last dance which happened to be the closing piece, I was running back in the dressing room to put on the first costume again.

2 shows (6:00 - 10:30) - So from 10:45 am until show time, I was dancing, changing and running on and off stage non-stop. My longest idle time was 4 dances in between mine (12 mins). Which meant that I was able to go to the bathroom, get a drink and change in time for the next piece. Otherwise, I was literally peeling clothes on and off like a mad woman.

The first show went off without a hitch. I still had a lot of energy. I had a great time and did not get any of the nervous jitters. I think only because I had no room or time to think about being nervous. I was constantly thinking of what moves to do next. It was SO intense! The show ended at 8:45 which ran through the second showing which was supposed to start at 8:30pm . I only had enough time to go to the bathroom, get water and say a walk-by thank you's to friends and family.

The second show was rough. I messed up a couple of times on my first piece. I couldn't do a couple of the pirouettes that I've worked so hard on for the past several months. It was as if my brain stopped functioning and it refused to turn at all! My body knew the choreography by heart yet somehow, it couldn't remember this one part. It was so frustrating! Thank goodness that my face could not be seen clearly since the lighting was dark and we had designs projected on us but sheer horror was the facial expression I was sporting.

The show went on for 2 hours and I was running on empty by the time I got to the last 3 dances. I had nothing else left to give. My foot kept cramping and my legs started giving out while I was walking back stage. I felt sick to my stomach and all I can think of was that I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to dance the last 3 pieces. I'm done. No one would know if I'm not there. It wouldn't matter. But you know what they say - The show must go on.

And so I danced the last pieces and shed some tears after the last dance. I did it. I finished without breaking any body parts or breaking down in general. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief as I put on my regular clothes. I performed each piece 4 times multiplied into 8 equates to 32 times total just that day alone.

I gave this show more than I knew I had the capacity for. In fact, I was in deficit by the time it was over. Year's from now, I'll look back to that day fondly and know that I gave it my all. No regrets.

I have a new found respect for professional dancers who does this day in and day out. The amount of discipline, time, mental and physical strenght that it takes to do a performance is so taxing. I only touched the tip of the iceberg and I'm quite content with it.

Thank you my beloveds for coming out to see the show. I hope that you found it worthy of your time and money. If not, I'll hook you up in your next Hawaiian theme party. I'll be your private Hula girl :)

For those who couldn't make it due to distance or just life happening in general here's a youtube of half of my dances taken during tech rehearsals. It's totally amateur filming. The professional videos are still in the works.

Lyrical Hip Hop - Not Another Love Song - (far right, front, in black and pink socks)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc7AGPzBMjs

Tap - I Love the 90's - (one of the Nirvana's Anarchy cheerleader)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSunxm6a_Ag

Latin Jazz - Rhythm Factor - (far right in orange wig)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md4KBX2yJS8

Funk Jazz - Circus - (far right in corset and pink micro tutu)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjBn3D0L2Dk


Would I do it again?

Yes, but I will not push myself beyond my limits and compromise on other things. Our next big show is not until Spring of 2010. I haven't decided when to go back to the studio. I am once again enjoying the openess of my schedule. It's only been a few days so we'll see how long I can keep up with not doing any activity :)

I do have a couple of things lined up - fencing, pottery and maybe a lesson or two of surfing - weather permitting.

Why fencing?

Why not!

I've always wanted to learn the Western form of Martial Arts that is Fencing. Should be really fun!




Surfing?

Because I've always been curious to know what it feels like to catch a wave. I've always admired surfers and I also want to smell like summer.

Summer has a smell?

To me it's a combination of being out in the sun all day, a couple applications of sunblock, add salt water to the mix and that's heaven scent for me :)


A beginners mind is a wonderful place to be. A clean canvas. Open to new interpretations. I think beginners have more fun anyway because they don't know any better. They don't know the difference whether or not it was a good "advance" or bad "ballestra" (fencing terms). Or know well enough to say whether it's a good or bad day for waves.

Therefore, one can say that beginners love regardless of condition or Begginers love UNCONDITIONALLY.

I enjoy being the perpetual beginner. Experiencing new things while I still have my youth. I'm okay if I don't look as cool as everyone else stabbing each other with such exact precision with their Epee or catch every wave, and if I did, it wasn't going to be graceful.

In time I’ll find my grace in parrying and serious face in the water, but until then, I’ll be the humble beginner just happy to be wet :)


Sunday night
A heavy smile
Don't be dismayed
I'm as grateful as ever
My feet planted
Strengthening the foundation
Adding another branch
In time it will grow
I'm built to look up
To reach the sky without flight
Shaping the clouds with my imagination
The stars an explosion of light
Enjoying this moment of accomplishment
Letting go to make room for more




Begginer,
Jakey