Open Season

Everyday, I learn something new about myself.

I enjoy observing how different people's energy can stir up, awaken and unlock all sorts of feelings, emotions and enegry within me.

There was one person at work recently, who just annoyed the shit out of me. They would talk and I would instantly get annoyed. Since we are all reflections of each other, I started looking within. What about them is annoying me? When was there a time in my life when I could totally relate to that behavior? Talk about releasing and letting go! Once I can own it, I can fully release it and then I can really see someone for who they are and I can fully accept and support them.

This month has been a series of many beautiful days in a row, of release, let go and awaken.

Someone once told me as I was lamenting about how difficult dating is in the City, "You seem like you would be a really hard girl to date, you don't need anything from anyone..." (female). I never thought about that. I always thought my independence, having my own life going on, was a turn on. And I think it is to some degree, but I imagine its also intimidating. I realized I had gotten so good at being on my own, that I started to never lean on anyone. I would give a little here and there, enough to lure someone in, but would still keep a lot for myself. I realized I might be the most closed off-open person I know. I totally started alienating myself.

I came to the conclusion that it's just a result of fear. This kind of, "Well, if I just get really good at taking care of myself, I can build myself a little castle and no one will ever be able to take it away. If I never let anyone in, they can never break my heart. If I never reach out to anyone, I will never be disappointed." WRONG! This is not loving full out!

Okay, back to the drawing board...

Then I thought, this isn't me. The me I know lives to learn, learns to love and wants to know about it all. The me I know wears her heart on her sleeve. Loves full out and isn't attached. The me I know is a total spaz and elated with everyone she meet. I am childlike and curious and in the flow. Thank you Me for the gentle reminder.

Yes, I get a little unbalanced at times but I thankfully find my way back to the center. Realizing that it's ok to lean, it's ok to let someone do something nice for me, its okay to let a guy compliment me and whisper sweet endearments to my ear, it's ok to OPEN up! It's ok to be weird and funny looking and 100% transparent and authentic and just be me in all my ME-ness.

To give myself the permission to honor the divine within and know that I am WORTHY of all of it. At the end of the day, my happiness comes from within and no one can sway or alter it.

How amazing is it to be YOU? How amazing is it to feel so grounded in your self-love, that you can fully open up to all the elements and see everyone and everything that comes in and out of your life as a big beautiful blessing? How amazing to let your love breathe deep as your breath and flow as free as the tide.

I know for me, I am the most happy when I just throw all the details out the window and laugh my ass off.

Speaking of laughing my ass off... A group of us went camping last weekend up in Lake Tahoe. A great idea indeed!

Pics here:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0MaMmTZy3Ys-C

The other day, I was reminded of my second all time favorite children's song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNChulAdILY

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin,
You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums,
You're the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear




Me (^_^)