Dessert First ... Don't Delay

Wow! just when I thought that my weekend could not get any better, my Sunday turned from Awesome to RAD!!! ( I love that word! it's so 80's side ponytail)

I volunteered for Project Open Hand's annual fundraising event called Dessert First. The event was held at the Intercontinental Hotel and it was amazing! The line up of the restaurants and pastry chefs that participated was spectacular. I was in dessert heaven. I got assigned to monitor the cheese station but we were allowed to walk around whenever we "needed" a break. Let's just say that I was constantly "needing breaks"...hee hee. They overbooked the number of volunteers so I got to mingle and socialize more than usual. I walked the floor and tasted every single, delicious, delightful sweetness laid out perfectly at each table. My new friend and I strategized that the only way that we could possibly taste all of the dessert was to share it - half bite each; success!

I hate to give away the ending but... we're all gonna die. So eat dessert first and don't delay!

They also had a photo booth. I swear, the next party I throw will have one. It's a really fun way to capture the moments and your mood. I was sugar high, ecstatic, giddy and all sorts of silly.

With Elizabeth Falkner - awesome pastry chef of Citizen Cake, Orson and Ice Cream Parlor.

You are what you eat. Be sweet.

Yummy!

jakey

Are you killing time? Or bringing it to life?

Today I am happy because I don't have any reason not to be.

I'm finally on the tail end if not at the end of the pity party I threw myself a short while ago. I've come up for air and it's as if I have taken my first breath of life. I feel Renewed, Rejoiced, Present.

For the first time today, the man watched as I clumsily paddled my way out in the water, tumbled through the breaks and caught a couple of good rides. He sat at the beach and cheered me on. It was definitely a role reversal. I'm normally the one on the sidelines beaming proudly of the man that I have fallen blissfully in love with. Yes bloggies, this hopeful romantic has finally unlocked her heart. I've let go. I've given myself the freedom to fall. After all freedom and free will are the by-products of Love. I am stepping into a new paradigm allowing spiritual growth and love lead the way. Listening to my intuition, trusting my gut and expressing myself authentically without hiding.

I am super excited to see what the universe has in store for me...For a minute there, I didn't think it could ever get better.

But I am more open than ever, to everything, right now.

Sure, I had moments of crying on the couch, drinking wine and stuffing myself silly with cupcakes...I had moments of anger.

But then I remember its all a huge blessing. I am right where I need to be.

I am grateful.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me). It's always ourselves we find in the sea

- e.e. cummings

Oh and to all my lefty bloggies out there.... Happy Left Handers Day!!!

Loving you,

Jakey

Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise. Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you hate, you hate about yourself. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.

Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it's supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.

Every time you bless another your bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you're one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.

Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.

Everyone's the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone's the same as everyone else. No one wants to feel the pain. Everyone's the same as everyone else. Everyone is dying for love to remain.

-Jackson Kiddard

Finding balance on the board of life...

When I go surfing, I don’t think about falling or doing it wrong. I’m not scared. I don’t have fear. I am always stoked, with the biggest grin on my face.

If I paddle for a wave, take off, stand up, and eat it. I don’t get discouraged, I don’t get mad. I never think to myself “Man, I suck!!” In fact, a good wipeout is a very humbling experience, and it always reminds me that I shouldn’t take life too seriously. And it always results in me laughing hysterically, as I swim back to my board.

When I’m out there, floating in the ocean, I’m goofy, I’m free, and I’m like a kid. It reminds me of one of those Astro jumps I would play on at my niece or nephew’s birthday party. But bigger, and more beautiful shades of blue and gentle.

The truth is, I’ve never been happier than when I’m surfing.

And then I thought to myself, WOW…I should take on this outlook, and apply it to the rest of the things in my life. (Duh!)

Opening up –

I’ve been feeling down lately. Someone said something to me a few weeks ago that threw me off balance. My emotions are a little out of sorts.

I’ve been trying to move past the fear and self-doubt that poked its ugly head out ever since I had the conversation but it’s getting harder and harder each day.

What do I want, where do I want to be, do I even know what it is that I want? I’m always so care free and have mastered living in the moment that I should sit down and figure out my future. I’m not getting any younger. I’m not successful enough, not determined enough. Not focused enough…blah, blah, blah. Aaaaahhhhh!

So I have been thinking a lot about it and I’m feeling even more lost because I thought I had it all figured out. I just want to be happy. I never really strived for wealth or power. Does that make me a bad person or lacking ambition?

My drive in life was never about making tons of money and getting to the top. Doing good to self and others drives me. Does this make me unsuccessful?

If I decide to walk away from my “stable” 8-5 boring as all hell, cookie cutter job and join the circus, does that make me a total failure? Well, maybe this one yeah, since I will be throwing myself to the pack of wolves, aka Clowns!!!!

Why do people measure success with what you do for a living, how much money you make, what title you hold, what kind of car you drive? For me that’s not a measure of success, that’s just the ego talking.

How about we measure it by how many true friends we have, the loving relationships we maintain and cultivate with our family, the healthy way we love ourselves - to live with compassion and kindness to self and others. Why can’t that be a measure of success? Why are there less and less people that are successful this way?

Everyone has his or her own version of what makes one successful, I suppose. Obviously, I’m a total failure/loser to this person because I didn’t live up to their version.

So what do I do then when one of my top list measures of success is to make sure that this person is happy?

I am conflicted. Tired. Not present. Unhappy.

I don’t want to be sad. But I am having frequent moments.

I'm waiting to get so annoyed with my sadness that I snap out of it.

But sometimes it’s like do I think that I am supposed to be sad, and that’s why I am sad… or am I really kind of sad?

I’m scared

The only place I seem to be happy right now is in the ocean.

Guess its good to know I’m still human.

Sigh

J

Open Season

Everyday, I learn something new about myself.

I enjoy observing how different people's energy can stir up, awaken and unlock all sorts of feelings, emotions and enegry within me.

There was one person at work recently, who just annoyed the shit out of me. They would talk and I would instantly get annoyed. Since we are all reflections of each other, I started looking within. What about them is annoying me? When was there a time in my life when I could totally relate to that behavior? Talk about releasing and letting go! Once I can own it, I can fully release it and then I can really see someone for who they are and I can fully accept and support them.

This month has been a series of many beautiful days in a row, of release, let go and awaken.

Someone once told me as I was lamenting about how difficult dating is in the City, "You seem like you would be a really hard girl to date, you don't need anything from anyone..." (female). I never thought about that. I always thought my independence, having my own life going on, was a turn on. And I think it is to some degree, but I imagine its also intimidating. I realized I had gotten so good at being on my own, that I started to never lean on anyone. I would give a little here and there, enough to lure someone in, but would still keep a lot for myself. I realized I might be the most closed off-open person I know. I totally started alienating myself.

I came to the conclusion that it's just a result of fear. This kind of, "Well, if I just get really good at taking care of myself, I can build myself a little castle and no one will ever be able to take it away. If I never let anyone in, they can never break my heart. If I never reach out to anyone, I will never be disappointed." WRONG! This is not loving full out!

Okay, back to the drawing board...

Then I thought, this isn't me. The me I know lives to learn, learns to love and wants to know about it all. The me I know wears her heart on her sleeve. Loves full out and isn't attached. The me I know is a total spaz and elated with everyone she meet. I am childlike and curious and in the flow. Thank you Me for the gentle reminder.

Yes, I get a little unbalanced at times but I thankfully find my way back to the center. Realizing that it's ok to lean, it's ok to let someone do something nice for me, its okay to let a guy compliment me and whisper sweet endearments to my ear, it's ok to OPEN up! It's ok to be weird and funny looking and 100% transparent and authentic and just be me in all my ME-ness.

To give myself the permission to honor the divine within and know that I am WORTHY of all of it. At the end of the day, my happiness comes from within and no one can sway or alter it.

How amazing is it to be YOU? How amazing is it to feel so grounded in your self-love, that you can fully open up to all the elements and see everyone and everything that comes in and out of your life as a big beautiful blessing? How amazing to let your love breathe deep as your breath and flow as free as the tide.

I know for me, I am the most happy when I just throw all the details out the window and laugh my ass off.

Speaking of laughing my ass off... A group of us went camping last weekend up in Lake Tahoe. A great idea indeed!

Pics here:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0MaMmTZy3Ys-C

The other day, I was reminded of my second all time favorite children's song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNChulAdILY

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin,
You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums,
You're the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear




Me (^_^)

One and Done...

Caught one today.

I tried about 50 times to catch another. After try 49 and literally got bitch slapped by my board I smiled and said, One is all I need.

That's what I promised the man anyway.

Yes, the "Special Someone" has now moved into "The Man" status

Have no fear, fun times are here :)

the biggest smile on my face -

jakey

I need to have more.